Bonus Round Against the Astros

This series is the last of three between the Giants and the Houston Astros. And, in a sense, it's been a gift, with the Giants taking five out of the first six. And at this moment, believe it or not, the Astros are probably worse--or at least in deeper disarray--than when the Giants last saw them. You've probably already heard, at the All Star Break they were a respectably bad 33-53, and since then, they've gone 7-35, with a twelve-game losing streak. Keep this in mind, because when they migrate to the American League, the National League is going to get just a little bit more difficult.

So I ask the Giants to take another three from the Astros. And I ask Houston's pitching staff to groove a few, so that Hunter Pence can get his swing back, and Buster Posey can ring up a few more dingers (look, I know that Posey is having a great season already--in the 37 games games since the break he's hit .404/.485/.691--but I foolishly told a friend of mine that he could hit 30 home runs this season, and he needs to close that gap).

And the Astros' offense should get together and consider letting Matt Cain throw another no-hitter. It would be something for the fans, right guys? If it's going to be miserable, how about making it historic?

In return, I offer the Houston Astros one of the first techno tracks ever recorded, Model 500's (or, as we know him today, Juan Atkins') "No UFOs." A song of hope, with lyrics such as

They say, “There is no hope”
They say, “No UFOs”
Why is no head held high?
Maybe you’ll see them fly…

That's an anthem right there for a future season of success...at the expense of the American League West.